You smell like stripper and shame
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
