As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
