Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
