apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
