They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
