Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
