don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
