the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
