I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
