just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
