im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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