your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
