Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
