I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
