It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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