I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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