how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
