Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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