Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
