whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
