So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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