first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
