Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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