either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
