We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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