It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
