Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When are your genitals available?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
