He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
