so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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