Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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