She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
