i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
