I puked a lego.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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