was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As shirtless as possible
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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