You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Are we still banned from the library?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
