I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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