P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think my moral compass just broke
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
