hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize