I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
