In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
