Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
