He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
