You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
