i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
