i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
