Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
