In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
