can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
