Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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