I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
