hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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