this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
