Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
