Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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