On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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