Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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