I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Vodka?
Forever.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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