She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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