From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
