I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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