I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need to align my fucking chakras
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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