how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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