She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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